Taught My Daughter To Smoke

Okay, so picture this: Me, hunched over a flickering birthday candle, squinting. My daughter, Lily, is maybe four years old, all big eyes and gap-toothed grin. I’m attempting to blow out the candle, but I’m failing miserably. I mean, really failing. I look ridiculous. Lily, in a moment of pure, unadulterated toddler wisdom, sighs dramatically and says, "Here, Daddy. Let me show you."

She takes a deep breath, purses her lips (a surprisingly adept purse for a four-year-old, I must say), and whoosh, candle extinguished. I was flabbergasted. Where did she learn that?! It turns out, imitating blowing out candles is practically a national pastime among preschoolers. But it got me thinking... I was teaching her. Not intentionally, of course. But kids are sponges, right? They absorb everything.

And that, my friends, is when I realized I was, in a way, teaching my daughter to smoke. Figuratively, obviously. No actual cigarettes were involved! Please don’t call child protective services.

The Unintentional Curriculum of Parental Habits

Think about it. We're constantly teaching our kids stuff, aren't we? Everything from how to tie their shoes (a monumental task, let me tell you) to how to react to disappointment. We think we're just living our lives, but they're watching. Always watching.

They see how we handle stress. Do we scream and yell, or do we take a deep breath and try to find a solution? They see how we treat other people. Are we kind and respectful, or are we dismissive and rude? They see what we value. Do we prioritize material possessions, or do we cherish experiences and relationships?

These are all lessons. And they are powerful lessons, even if we don’t realize we're teaching them.

So, back to the “teaching her to smoke” thing. I wasn’t consciously thinking, "Okay, Lily, today we're going to learn about the oral fixation and the addictive properties of nicotine!" (Seriously, if I were, someone should call child protective services). But what I was thinking about was how easily habits form, and how ingrained they become. I realised my habits – good and bad – are all on display.

You know those little things you do without even thinking? Like, always grabbing your phone when you're bored? Or complaining about your body in the mirror? Or constantly scrolling through social media? Yeah, those things. Your kids see them. And they internalize them. Trust me.

Modeling Behavior: It's Not Just for Runways

We often focus on the explicit lessons we teach our kids – reading, writing, math, etc. But the implicit lessons, the ones they learn simply by observing us, are often the most impactful. This is what they call "modeling behaviour" in psychology. And, let’s be honest, sometimes our modelling needs some serious work. I know mine does!

It’s a humbling thought, isn’t it? That our kids are basically mini-versions of us, picking up on all our quirks and foibles. It's like holding up a mirror to yourself... and sometimes you don't like what you see reflecting back. That's your cue to change.

The good news is, we have the power to shape those lessons. We can choose to be more mindful of our actions and our words. We can strive to be the best versions of ourselves, not just for our own sake, but for our children's sake as well.

Think of it as a kind of parental reset button. You can always course-correct. Nobody is perfect. (And if you know someone who claims to be perfect, run. Run far, far away.)

So, what’s the takeaway? It's not about becoming some unrealistic paragon of virtue. It's about being aware of the impact you have on your children, even when you don't realize it. It's about striving to model the behaviors and values you want them to embody.

And maybe, just maybe, it's also about learning a thing or two from our kids along the way. Like how to blow out a candle with the sheer force of toddler lungpower. It's a skill, I tell you!

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go work on my "not scrolling mindlessly on my phone" habit. Wish me luck!