Miss Cousin Is Always Busy

Okay, so you know my cousin, right? Miss… "I Can Juggle Chainsaws While Writing a Novel"? Yeah, that one. Seriously, I think she has a secret time-turner or something.

I mean, when is she not busy? It's a legitimate question! I swear, if I called her right now, she’d be rescuing kittens from a burning building… while simultaneously presenting a TED Talk on the socio-economic impact of artisanal cheese. Probably.

Last week, I tried to schedule a coffee date. A simple coffee date. You know, the kind where we just sit and complain about our bosses and swap embarrassing childhood stories? Nope. Impossible. Apparently, she was volunteering at a soup kitchen and training for a marathon and learning Mandarin. All. At. The. Same. Time.

I’m not even kidding. Mandarin! Who learns Mandarin on a Tuesday afternoon?!

It's always something. Always a project. Always a deadline. Always some incredibly impressive, slightly intimidating, and utterly exhausting endeavor. I sometimes wonder if she sleeps. Or maybe she’s figured out how to photosynthesize? That would explain a lot, actually.

She's got this aura of… well, I guess “intense efficiency” is the best way to describe it. Like she's personally offended by the concept of wasted time. Me? I’m offended by the concept of kale smoothies, but hey, we all have our things.

Is she a superhero? Probably not. Though, honestly, at this point, I wouldn't be completely surprised if she revealed a hidden Batcave in her basement. Maybe that's where she keeps all the extra hours in the day she’s clearly hoarding.

Sometimes I think she feels like she needs to prove something. Or maybe she genuinely just loves being involved in, like, a million different things. I don't know. All I know is, trying to keep up with her is… well, it’s a workout. Just thinking about it is a workout!

Don't get me wrong, I admire her. I really do. She's incredibly driven, incredibly smart, and incredibly kind. She’s always the first to volunteer to help someone out, even when she’s already drowning in obligations. Which, let's be honest, is pretty much always.

But… doesn't she ever just want to, you know, chill? Like, watch bad reality TV and eat an entire pizza by herself? Is that too much to ask? I feel like it's a fundamental human right!

I tried suggesting a "Netflix and literally do nothing" night. She countered with "Netflix and organize my spice rack alphabetically." Seriously. Spice rack alphabetically! Who does that?

Maybe she’s afraid of boredom? Is that a thing? “Chronophobia”? Okay, I totally made that up, but maybe it should be real. Because I think my cousin might have it. The fear of having free time.

Honestly, I'm starting to suspect she might be powered by caffeine and the sheer force of her own will. It's the only logical explanation I can come up with. Either that, or she's secretly a highly advanced robot disguised as a human. Which, again, wouldn't entirely surprise me.

So, yeah, Miss Cousin Is Always Busy. It’s her brand. It's her lifestyle. It's probably her superpower. And while I might never understand it, I have to admit, it's kind of… inspiring? In a slightly terrifying, “I could never do that” kind of way.

I just hope she remembers to breathe. And maybe, just maybe, one day, we can actually have that coffee. Preferably before she starts her next project: learning to speak dolphin.

Because at this point, nothing would surprise me.